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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between toilet paper and shower curtains? If you answered ""I don't know."" I would like to tell you that I spent all day cleaning that mess up."

"What did one pimple say to the other? If you're busted, run."

"Why did the hipster wear a sweatshirt on the sweltering summer day? She wears sweatshirts before it is cool! (Cue rim shot)"

"How many Jews can fit in a car? 2 In the front, 2 in the back, and six million in the ash tray! *Drops mic* *Gets shot*"

"Why did the pregnant girl struggle so much with grammar? She had no periods!"

"What's the difference... ...between Mick Jagger and an angry Scotsman? One says ""Hey, you, get off of my cloud!"" The other says ""Hey, McLeod, get off of my ewe!"""

"The Islamic State is hosting a music festival in Iraq. The first annual Allahpalooza is sure to go off with a bang."

"I tried uploading my sex tape to PornHub. I got error 404 file not found :("

"Why was the dietician kicked out of the casino? He was caught counting carbs."

"My neighbor knocked on my door at 2 am this morning and said, ""Yo, I can't fcking sleep."" ""Well it's your lucky day,"" I said, ""I've got a party going on in here, come in."""