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Joke of the Day

"I saw a construction sign today that said, ""road rehab"". It must've been addicted to crack."

"I told the butcher I'd give him $10 if he got the meat down off the top shelf. He said he couldn't.... the steaks were too high."

"I could host an elegant dinner party, but I don't know enough people with simmering tension over long-held secrets to make it worthwhile."

"Did you know Bruce Lee had a son other than Brandon? He was a famous vegetarian. His name was Brock."

"Her: You like shopping? Me: Oh god yes! Her: What's your favorite place? Me: The grocery store. There is a whole aisle of just cheese!"

"Prison Guard: ""So you two cons are in love?"" Con1: ""Yes."" Con2: ""It's like we finish each other's..."" *in unison* ""death sentences."""

"What do you call a guy who likes touching unripened cheese? A fetaphile"

"Doing crazy things in public and not caring because you're with your best friends."

"If women are people, why are they so stupid? Seriously. Even the smartest and most accomplished women are dumber than the most retarded head lice."

"What does a black guy do after sex? 15 to life"