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Joke of the Day

"Prison Guard: ""So you two cons are in love?"" Con1: ""Yes."" Con2: ""It's like we finish each other's..."" *in unison* ""death sentences."""

"I like women how I like my eggs... Whites only"

"TIL it's impossible to stick your tongue out and look up at the same time That's right get it in there"

"What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly-squats."

"What's white and sticky? What's white and sticky and hangs from the clouds? . The second coming of the Lord"

"What do you call a clean, good looking well behaved monster? a failure!"

"What's the difference between a cloths hanger and a flight of stairs? The cloths hanger only solves one problem."

"[doing standup] So I live in Kansas [hysterical laughter] That...that wasn't the joke"

"Doctor Doctor My little boy has just swallowed a roll of film! Hmmmm. Let's hope nothing develops."

"Man opens a fridge and sees a rabbit... He says ""What are you doing there, rabbit?"" Rabbit replies ""This is a westinghouse, isn't it?"""