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Joke of the Day
"""I'm better than you because I can fly and my body is a boat."" ~ Ducks"
Next Joke
"A spider jumped on my wife which made her stumble backwards and fall over her bag. Oh how I laughed! Tweet posted from the guest bedroom."
"I woke up this morning wearing a red fuzzy wig, giant oversized shoes and a red nose. I think I must have slept funny."
"Why is revenge a dish best served cold? Because it's just-ice"
"What do people from the 1930's and /r/news jokes have in common? They're both old."
"Remember when Twitter used to be a service where I could post something like, ""Hello, my name is Doctor Toilet"" and get a bunch of retweets?"
"Ice skaters... ...do it on the slide, if you know what I mean"
"[seaworld] ""Hey what happened to the new guy?"" -He tried to have sex with the dolphin in tank 6 ""But there's a shark in tan.."" -BINGO!"
"No wonder Satan hates humanity... We draw him as the ugliest goat alive"
"Today i asked the hot girl at my gym what her New Year's resolution was. She said ""fuck you"". So i'm pretty excited about 2017."