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Joke of the Day

"""Honey,can u make the dinner reservations for 3 instead of 2 tonight? Debby's coming"" ""We're not bring ur new chainsaw-"" ""HER NAME'S DEBBY"""

"Buy a ""World's Greatest Boss"" mug and drink out of it in front of your boss."

"Breasts are like beer... Men may state a preference, but we'll take whatever's on tap."

"What's the difference between a cat and a comma? A cat has claws at the end of it's paws, a comma has a pause and the end of it's clause."

"After taking a bunch of 7-year-olds on a field trip to the Natural History Museum, I realized their favorite exhibit was ""Elevator Buttons."""

"I recently bought a corset to spice up my sex life. Once I've learned how to breathe in the damn thing I'll tell you how it worked out."

"(Hot babe to me) your brooding drives me wild, what's going on inside your head (Me, thinking about a panini) I don't want to talk about it"

"Operators are standing by. Untold numbers of them. In shadows. The forest grows dark with operators."

"I was in a bar the other day... and I saw a man trying to chat up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one."

"Last week I called a lady a watering hole... but I meant well."