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Joke of the Day

"Hello I'm Janardhan and I just had sex with a hedgehog. It was a little prickly at first but then I stopped masturbating and just went for it."

"Nobody ever sneezes in movies."

"They say if you love something you should set it free... So I left my exwife in the middle of the woods...."

"*me looking at a police lineup* Number 3 is cute. OMG Is he single? Give him my number! What? Oh. Right. Five. Number 5 killed my grandpa."

"Why do the Heisenberg operators for position and momentum work from home? Because they won't commute."

"My nephew is in the 'why' phase of his life as a 6 year old... and I told him 'Because it feels nice and you're an unreliable witness!'"

"A cat eats a slice of swiss cheese... and sits by the mousetrap with baited breath."

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Some obscure number, you've probably never heard of it."

"I love when people misuse the word ""literally"". It literally makes me fart rainbows."

"What did the first lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? See you next month!"