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Joke of the Day

"I was on a date with a girl last night... She told me she had an eating disorder. I looked at her solemnly for a minute and then asked her very nicely: ""So are you gonna eat 'dis order of fries then?"""

"When I hear Billy Joel I want to kick the nearest nut sackackackackack"

"Why was the bicycle laying on the ground? Because it was two-tired"

"The difference between your boyfriend and Ronda Rousey is... Ronda actually gets paid to disappoint people for 48 seconds."

"%3. Ask Questions. 4. Use the face."

"Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish."

"Wife: I think we need a break. *Titanic crashes into iceberg* Husband: THAT WHAT YOU WANTED? Wife: Yes."

"What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? ""Dam."""

"Does anyone know how to save your game on twitter I've been playing for 2 years straight my mom is pissed"

"Have you heard the one about Ron Jeremy's penis? It's a real knee slapper."