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Joke of the Day

"My fellow Canadians, Complain about the heat just *once* and it will get taken away from us. Don't be the reason we can't have nice things"

"How did Paul McCartney get Linda pregnant? C Moon"

"*job interview* Boss: Give an example of when you've done something creative Me: When I listed my 'experience' on the application form"

"I got my kid a puppy as a present, but it died before Christmas... FML, now I'm stuck taking care of a puppy. Edit: For those worried about the kid, it's ok. He was an adopted ginger, so no big deal."

"Writing is a great career when people like hearing what you have to say but don't want to look at you."

"Yo mama so fat when she plays hopscotch she goes New York L.A. Chicago"

"When do accountants laugh out loud? When somebody asks for a raise"

"A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up along side them and say ""I think we lost them."""

"My bank account has 7 figures but 6 of them are to the right of the decimal point."

"If your rape whistle doesn't work you're fucked."