5824

Joke of the Day

"In a furious argument, the wife tells her husband... - I should have married the devil instead of you! - Well, that's impossible. Marriage between cousins is forbidden!"

"Judge: You need supervision. Me: [Imagines toasting toast at a slightly increased rate with laser eyes] YES! Do it now robed wizard."

"Tell me your best ""When is a --- not a ---?"" joke I'll start you off: When is a door not a door? > When it's ajar! When are eyes not eyes? > When the wind makes them water!"

"That moment you are trying to figure out if you are Joey, Ross, or Chandler and you realize you're Gunther."

"To the Chicago Cubs Thanks, you've doomed us all."

"Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps or does it just feel like he's at work"

"What do women and condoms have in common? They spend more time in your wallet than on your dick."

"My 13 year old doesn't speak when she picks up the phone. She just listens and hangs up. I think she's going to be a hitman someday."

"What does the secret service man say to the other secret service man when he has to go to the bathroom? Hold on I have to take Obama to the White house."

"I can't believe that... after all the times my girlfriend called me ""daddy"", she still didn't get me anything for Father's Day."