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Joke of the Day

"[Entering Building As A Guy Leaves] Me: It's muggy out there. Guy: I'll be fine. *guy is beaten & robbed immediately. M: Told you."

"Did you know? Accordion to a recent study, 90% of the world don't realise when a word has been swapped with an instrument."

"I can never talk to my Dad at breakfast because he still reads newspapers. I guess you could say he's behind The Times."

"Prognosis? Doctors are reporting that a man was admitted to the hospital last week and found to have at least a dozen plastic horses inserted in his rectum. His condition is ""stable""."

"What kind of car does Hillary Clinton drive? A Subaru"

"Worst part of my old job was drug screenings. Had to tell a guy he was pregnant. Lesson: don't use your girlfriend's urine for testing."

"Mathematics is the only place you can buy 60 watermelons and no one questions you"

"I think the health care bill is unpopular because it lacks vampires."

"The meanest man in the world Is the Warden who put a tack on the electric chair."

"ME (drunkenly picking a fight with a cake): get out my face you jerk CAKE: hey pal you wanna piece of me?!? ME: ok wow now I'm conflicted"