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Joke of the Day

"So I have one coworker who uses ""irregardless"" and another who uses ""unappropriate"" and now I'm over trying to conversate with these people."

"Just remember, if you're attractive and they're ugly, it's not sexual harassment. You're giving them a compliment."

"Hey Babe Hey babe. Are you a piece of art? Because I'd love to nail you against a wall."

"What's more fun then swinging a baby on a clothes line? Stopping it with a shovel."

"Cemetery I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a guy behind a gravestone. I said ""Morning."" He replied, ""No, just taking a shit."""

"Why was 9 afraid of 7? Because 7 had some PCP and was going ape shit!"

"[Changes Siri to male] ME: Siri, tell me the MALE SIRI: Listen, here's what you need to know. ME: I... MALE SIRI: Excuse me, I'm speaking"

"Not to brag, but I've already had two pretty sweet dates this weekend I'm surprised how much they added to my smoothie."

"Funny how they say we need to talk when they really mean you need to listen."

"Of course men aren't above women... But I'd sure like to be on top of you ;)"