58094

Joke of the Day

"Wearing high heels and releasing doves at weddings are so last century. I'll be wearing running shoes and releasing chickens at mine"

"People that keep their chin up probably don't find as much change as I do."

"What's the difference between a female and a freezer? A freezer doesn't scream when you put your meat into it!"

"Women are like, ""no I'm not mad"" *sets your car on fire* Nope not mad"

"When someone is calling with your girlfriend... Take the phone and say: What has little balls, and hangs down? A bat. What has big balls, and hangs up? ...Then hang up the phone x)"

"How to tell if someone doesn't crossfit"

"*at the movie theater* umm ok the hackers also said theyd do a terror unless u giv me unlimited free popcorn and uh.. also that guys popcorn"

"I couldnt go back to work, especially after what my shitty boss said to me. Damn, what did he say? You are fired"

"Which room in Donalds Trump's house has the thickest walls? his-panic room."

"I sleep with all my cupboards opened so that when i bump into them while sleep walking im woken up abruptly"