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Joke of the Day

"Post that you're pregnant on facebook: 88 likes and 31 comments. Tweet that you're pregnant on twitter: 2 stars and 491 unfollows"

"First date: [ok, don't let her know you're a t-rex] Her: I absolutely love it when guys open the car door for me Me: Shit."

"My plan to buy a drawing board just fell through. I guess it's back to th-OH GOD DAMNIT."

"My Grandpa has a French rifle from WWII It was never fired, but it was dropped once."

"One man's internet wife is another man's internet husband."

"Donald Trump Is proof that Willie Wonka had sex with the Oompa Loompas."

"A man once called a pier the ugliest eyesore he'd ever seen, but was then never seen again. I guess you could say he diss-a-pier-ed."

"So i brought home a piece of furniture last night... but it left in the morning without saying a word. It was one nightstand."

"If I can use dollar bills to make it rain, are dollar coins golden showers?"

"What did Vincent van Gogh call himself when he joined the Justice League? The Starry Knight"