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Joke of the Day

"If there's a zombie apocalypse and you see one zombie taking a nap, that will be me"

"A man speaks with his daughter. Father : Well, you fuck way better than your mother. Daughter : I know, my brothers told me!"

"I saw this lady vogueing alone so I felt bad and started dancing with her. Anyone know sign language for 'Im sorry'?"

"Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

"What flies through the jungle singing opera ? The parrots of Penzance !"

"How do rabbis make money off of circumcisions? They get to keep the tips."

"Wife, I am truly truly upset... I must take this out on your vagina."

"Batman's identity revealed Batman was identified as Christian Bale Sunday when he didn't show up at church..."

"I got a girl pregnant in high school. Her son grew to be 6 foot 7 (200 cm). Biggest mistake I ever made."

"Twitter is an invention created by aliens so we don't notice the period of time missing when they take us for experimentation."