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Joke of the Day
"Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: ""Does this taste funny to you?"""
Next Joke
"Q: How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb A: Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder..."
"Never trust trees. They're shady."
"[just meeting a new group of people] My brain: say something cool and different Me: HOW YA'LL GOT?? Brain: nice"
"I always let my phone ring 2 1/2 times before sending it to voicemail so the person calling knows exactly who's in control here."
"Whenever anyone asks me where I grew up I point to a random spot in the room and say ""Over there."""
"My neighbor just just had a baby boy born with no eyelids. When they did the circumcision they used the skin to make him some eyelids. He's doing great, just a little cockeyed."
"I just wrote go f*** yourself on a piece of paper and put it in the suggestion box at work."
"You haven't experienced awkwardness and felt like a complete idiot until you try to tickle someone who isn't ticklish."
"my criminal record is only clean because of how fast i can run with my pants around my ankles."