56721

Joke of the Day

"A fat guy.. A fat guy just keep getting fatter every month..after 5 years he got so fat died. At his funeral a friend of him said: Good thing he died, cuz he was about to blow up. (translated)"

"How do you know if you sisters on her period? Your dad's dick tastes like blood."

"Did you know that dogs can't get MRI's? only cat's can"

"Kudos to Mattel for making Barbie reflect the average woman! I'm buying the one with massive student loan debt & a fear of cement trucks."

"Did you hear about the teacher who never farted in class? It turns out she was a private tooter."

"If I've said it once, I've said it one hundred times. I'd rather listen to an auto-tuned queef played on a loop over and over, than listen to Lady Gaga's performance at the Grammy's again."

"We'd love to offer you the job [My phone buzzes] Congrats on your 250 tweet! ME [leaving]: Lol no thanks I won't be needing to work anymore"

"What man knows the way to a girl's heart more than any other? A surgeon."

"""IS ANYONE HERE A DOCTOR?!?"" I screamed on the plane. 3 men shot up. ""Ok, now are any of you single? I need a sugar daddy. I do butt stuff."""

"A man goes to the vet about his dog's fleas. The vet says: 'I'm sorry, I'll have to put this dog down.' The man is incredulous and asks why. The vet says: 'Because he's far too heavy.'"