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Joke of the Day

"I've compiled my bucket list. 4 drumsticks, 4 thighs, original recipe, 2 individual mashed potatoes with gravy, and 2 biscuits."

"When ya leave Twitter it's called twittercide. What about Instagram? Instagramicide? IGicide? Instacide? Gramicide? Instadead? Instagone?"

"Just went to Walgreens & they're a bunch of liars. Their walls were more of a beige color. I'm suing."

"I thought this waitress was in love with me but then right in front of my eyes she started to bring other people food."

"Why is the apostrophe always near an ""s""? Because it is possessive"

"chewing tobacco must've been a hard sell: Do you like nicotine but hate smoke but love to spit smelly wet chunks of leaves? Well guess what"

"I need to start buying Tupperware to store my leftovers before throwing them out two weeks later."

"Did you hear about the clumsy thief who stole sculptures of famous people's heads? He eventually got busted."

"What's a terrorists favorite sex toy? [NSFW] A blow up doll!"

"Did you guys hear about the serial killer who's using smaller and smaller socks to strangle each new victim? Be careful, they say he's still at large."