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Joke of the Day

"no matter what the government says no one can stop you from eating the bugs you find in your garden"

"LPT: To baby-proof your home: put your front doorknob like 4 feet off the ground so the babies can't reach it. Then those fuckers won't get in!"

"My horoscope said that I won't get along with Cancer... Nether do people in hospice care."

"What's the difference between a Chickpea and a Garbanzo Bean? I haven't had a garbanzo bean on my face."

"I didn't understand why my wife bought me a metal detector for Valentines day... Until she told me she got her clit pierced."

"This drunk guy in the mirror thinks he can beat me in a dance off but I totally embarrassed him in front of the whole women's bathroom."

"You don't know laziness until you rob a bank & choose to wait for the amount you stole to be announced on news rather than count it yourself"

"Give a man a fish and he'll feed himself for a day. Make the man a fish and you'll feed scientific curiosity for a lifetime."

"Did you hear about the kidnapping at Walmart? ...it's ok, he woke up."

"Once my gym teacher told me ""you are what you eat."" I Immediately replied ""you callin' me a pussy?"""