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Joke of the Day

"If it's true that spiders are more scared of me than I am of them, why have I never seen a spider crawl away screaming like a little girl?"

"Which of these is out of place in this list? Wife, Blowjob, Meat, Eggs. Well you can beat your meat, beat your wife, and beat your eggs, but you can't beat a blowjob!"

"So I brought a girl home from the bar last night... When we got to bed, she said ""Give me twelve inches and make me bleed!"" So I fucked her twice and punched her in the face."

"Who was the most important Knight of the Round Table? Sir Cumference."

"What's invisible and smells like cough drops? Koala farts"

"I told my dog to bark. He said, ""howwwl loud."""

"If you were a Canadian and I were a Canadian and we bumped into each other, who would apologize first? I'm not a Canadian so get out of my fucking way! I'm Walking Here!"

"[interview] ""Says here, you like to master debate in your free time?"" ""Yeah, sorry, that's a typo"""

"What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher? One minds the train the other trains the mind."

"The only reason I watch political speeches is cause I'm hoping there's gonna be a sniper."