55649

Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend says I've got commitment issues.... Well she's not really my girlfriend, more of a wife. -Stuart Francis"

"Sometimes I feel like I've traveled back in time, and that I'm not supposed to do anything that screws up a future that I've forgotten."

"When a teacher closes his eyes why should it remind him of an empty classroom? Because there are no pupils to see!"

"Be that Shopping Cart with the bad wheel. Go in your own direction no matter how hard someone try's to push you in theirs."

"What's a pirates favorite material? ~~Arrrgyle~~*YARRRN!*^Thanks ^Bravesurf"

"Me: *passes ransom note* Mom: 2 bags of unmarked cookies? Me: Or you'll never see the cat alive! Mom: He's behind you. Me: STUPID KITTY!"

"I tried changing my reddit password to ""penis"". It said it wasn't long enough :("

"What's the worst part of locking your keys in your car at an abortion clinic parking lot? Having to go inside and ask for a coathanger."

"10 Dollar Compliment A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs. When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, ""What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"""

"I hate having OCD - do you realize what it's like to feel somewhat compelled to wash your hands nearly every time you go to the bathroom?!?"