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Joke of the Day

"It's official. The winner of the biggest upset in US presidential history is T-R-U-M- A-N. 1948. HUGE upset. Edit 3:30AM ET: this was a *lot* funnier when it was true."

"What did the white man do at the club? Pout while all the colored folk were bumpin and grinding with all the fine white bitches"

"My local bar was having a fund raiser for dyslexia It was all you can drink for ages 12 and up"

"Whenever I see a group of girls talking I just barge in and say ""he is such an a$$hole"" and just like that, I'm part of the group."

"What goes great with noodles? COMPANY!"

"(meeting for naming cereal) ""List the ingredients; maybe we'll get inspired."" ""Honey, bunches of oats"" ""I think we're done here."""

"I like my Jews like I like my juice. Concentrated."

"How did blind slaves escape the South? The Underground Braille-road"

"""A gripping tale of love and survival..."" is how one reviewer described me tumbling down the stairs while trying to retrieve a stray M&M."

"Help me doctor, I have a bowel movement every morning at 7! Doctor: Well that's good, it means you're healthy. Man: You'd think so, but I don't wake up until 8am!"