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Joke of the Day

"Pretending to hold the elevator while secretly pressing ""close door"" is an art."

"Did you know LSD can make you lose weight? Because you can't get to the fridge if there's a dragon guarding it."

"Fun Fact: If you hear small kids running around laughing hysterically, within 2 min. at least one will be on the floor crying hysterically."

"The woman next to me smells SO good, is it weird if I'm like ""What perfume is that, I will literally stop robbing this bank if you tell me""?"

"1) Print out all your favstar trophies and fold them so they are 2D 2) Put them on your mantle 3) Invite dad over 4) Become favorite son"

"Why do Jews hate seeing 10 dollar bills? Because they know they cant have them because HAMiltons aren't kosher Source: Me; a Jew"

"Why do blacksmiths go to jail? Forging."

"I'm not stalking you. I'm trying to help you find that sock that you dropped behind the door before you left for work Wednesday at 7:04."

"If you have more than zero bumper stickers on your car you have too many."

"What do condoms prevent? Minivans."