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Joke of the Day

"1) Print out all your favstar trophies and fold them so they are 2D 2) Put them on your mantle 3) Invite dad over 4) Become favorite son"

"How is a girlfriend like a pronoun? Your's is possessive"

"In 101 Dalmatians there were 99 problems and bitches were approximately half of them This got banned from Showerthoughts for being a pun, and I knew you guys liked puns so here we are!"

"Spider Man, Spider Man Chillin' in his camper van Kickin' back, drinkin' booze head to toe in sweet tattoos Hang on That is not Spider Man"

"DOCTOR: Does it hurt when I do this? *takes you out several times then acts distant*"

"""Mommy, mommy, I don't wanna see grandma!"" ""Shut up and keep digging!"""

"What is that famous Raider saying? Next season!!! Hater nation!!!"

"Can't sleep. Too excited for Arbor Day."

"Why do boys walk fast and girls speak more? Because boys have one extra leg and girls have one extra mouth."

"I explained gluten allergy' to my grandma and she sighed and told me they ate leather belts during WWII to keep from starving"