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Joke of the Day

"My wife said ""You only love me because my father left me a million pounds."" ""That's not true, I'd still love you whoever left it to you"""

"A friend of mine told me that sex after a vasectomy would hurt. But to be honest I haven't noticed a vas deferens."

"I don't have a swimmer's body. I have more of a drowning to death body. #Olympics"

"In Massachusetts you can't buy liquor before noon on Sundays. But bless your raging alcoholic heart for trying."

"What do you call a lost nun? A Roman Catholic"

"Who granted the fish's wish? Fairy codmother"

"""I've had enough of your shit"" ~ toilet paper on strike."

"[1994] The rejected Spice Girl, Pumpkin, sobs outside the studio. Little does she know that in 20 years their fans will love her the most."

"The U.S Election is Kind of Like an Attractive Bisexual Because whether they go with a man or a woman, you know they're fucked."

"My mum asked me if I had taken my lizard for a walk... ... I told her I was goanna do it later."