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Joke of the Day

"I bought a blowup doll today, but I won't blow her up until tomorrow. I don't want to seem desperate."

"""Bro, rumor has it ur dads emo now"" ""Emo? Nah yo, EMU"" ""Im confused.."" *A massive bird moonwalks in w/ a #1 Dad shirt* ""Hi confused, Im Dad"""

"-Boss: ""Send me one of your funny tweets"" -Me: ""I'm working at the moment, I'll send you one later"" -Boss: ""Hahaha! Send me another one."""

"America is in labor now Soon we will know if it's a boy or a girl."

"How much calcium is in a kiss? Enough to make a bone hard."

"I am so glad that I poop in a toilet, rather than a bag. Given that I did that for 14 months of my life, perspective is a nice thing."

"Want to hear a word I just made up? Plagiarism"

"Got kicked out of Bed Bath & Beyond today for drawing pictures of Drake on their blankets, so they'd be extra soft."

"Explosive Opportunity A British engineer started his own business in Afghanistan. He's making landmines that look like prayer mats. He says that prophets are going through the roof."

"Just been offered 8 legs of venison for $40 Is that too dear?"