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Joke of the Day

"Teacher to Student: Why are you late? Student: Because of the sign on the road. Teacher: What type of sign? Student: The sign that says, ""School Ahead, Go Slow."""

"How do you kill a hipster? Drown him in the mainstream."

"I was worried my circle jerk wouldn't go as planned... but in the end everyone came together."

"It wasn't much fun having a broken neck, but now I can look back and laugh."

"I got kicked out of the hardware store today... It's my dad's fault. He told me to buy a black and deck her."

"Good Cop: We want to help you. Just tell us who was with you on the night of August the 15th. Bae Cop: My parents aren't home. Come over."

"Have the people who designed wine glasses ever washed dishes in their lives?"

"Looking out the hospital window while mom is resting on bed. That was either dad or superman falling of the roof."

"I heard that for his role in the Baywatch movie Dwayne Johnson dropped down to 238 lbs from 260 lbs so he could look more ripped than 'big'. I guess that would make him a metamorphic Rock."

"Not sure what you have heard, but it actually only rains twice a year in Seattle. October through May, then June through September."