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Joke of the Day

"Joke stealing is not a laughing matter That's why I don't steal unfunny jokes."

"I just had sex with a 16-year-old girl on an elevator... It was wrong on so many levels."

"The Venn diagram of ""stuff I was supposed to do today"" and ""stuff I did today"" is two separate circles and the second one is a pizza"

"Maybe Michael J. Fox could get a new show where his character doesn't have Parkinson's but he's a conductor aboard a moving train."

"If Pringles really wanted the fun to never stop they'd make those tube things like 5 feet long."

"""Honey, am I fat?"" ""No, not at all"" ""You're lying"" ""I swear. By the way, you got something on your chin... no, the other one"""

"Why do physicists love going to church It's the center of mass"

"Why did the Chicken Cross the Road? Because North Korea's nukes couldn't reach him there"

"What did the Muslim train conductor say to the passengers as they were getting on? Allah-board"

"Sick eagles are forbidden by law. They're illeagle."