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Joke of the Day

"*points at houseplant* no, YOU have a drinking problem!!"

"Everybody's got something to hide except me and my monkey. Which is why I'm not allowed within 100 yards of a playground."

"Yo mama so stupid she went to the orthodontist to get a blue tooth"

"Can't afford those fancy water parks, so I just throw cups of water in my kids faces when they least expect it."

"The new sponge in the sink just brightened my day a little. Being an adult is stupid."

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? I can't jelly my foot up your ass."

"Did you know... That 90% of teenagers own a phone... and that 100% of phones own a teenager?"

"There is a man with a friend who is a ninja.... The man asks, ""Ninja, can you help me out with this lightbulb?"" The ninja replies ""Shur-i-ken!"""

"When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse 1st. And that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about marriage."

"BREAKING: Israel Planning Surgery to Have its Dick Removed From GOP candidates Mouths"