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Joke of the Day

"Why did the scarecrow earn a promotion? Because it was outstanding in its field"

"What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean? Nobody pays to have a garbanzo bean on their face."

"I don't like Goldfish crackers They're the snack that smiles back until you bite their heads off, and I don't think it should have to come to that."

"Why do you want to run for President? Because walking wouldn't burn enough calories."

"Girl, if you don't stop touching my crotch,... ...you might feel a small prick."

"My friend recently bought an invisible pencil. Personally, I can't see the point."

"If you plant a block of ramen noodles in the ground and water it with cold ones every day, it will grow into a college kid. It's science."

"I knew the guy who invented the clothes iron. Unfortunately, he died from being ironed on the face. I still remember the iron-y smell of his blood."

"if someone asks you about yourself say ""OK, sit down, this is going to be a really long story"" then just wander off"

"When life gives you lemons, wish that life had given you something to make a more original aphorism."