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Joke of the Day

"""Usain Bolt, Trump regrets/ Gawker downed by Hogan's sex/ Manafort, Putin's pet/ Lochte lies then hops on jet/ We didn't start the fire..."""

"What state makes exclusively swiss cheese? Swisconsin."

"Is it cocky to have 2 penises? I think its 2 cocky."

"Chuck Norris is a creative kind of guy... Chuck Norris is a creative kind of guy, the last time he farted it was quite a big deal. Scientifically speaking, they call it the big bang."

"What does Mike Tyson eat after a long time on twitter? Tweets of course! ....and then your family."

"Unfortunate sign in discount warehouse near a retirement community: Shop till you drop!"

"""Shotgun!"" I yell as I push past the others and climb into the seat. I am subsequently escorted from the airplane."

"Carried 9 oranges up to the cashier and she says ""Ya want a box for them?"" ""I was willing to pay"" I said ""but I guess we can fight for em"""

"""I do not negotiate with terrorists!"" said me, everyday, multiple times a day, to my children."

"Cut to Obama and Biden silently eating schwarma."