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Joke of the Day

"I always try to put some condom wrappers in my garbage so the raccoons that go through my trash think I'm cool."

"One direction should be renamed 0.8 Direction"

"Somewhere, a ninja watches ""I Didn't Know I was Pregnant."" An imperceptible smile creeps across his lips. ""Damn right you didn't."""

"What do you call the yellow ones? -Yellow labs. And the black ones? -Black labs. So the brown ones are- -No we named those after dog poison."

"my accountant: look at ur currently monthly budget: RENT: $800 GAS: $200 CHEEZ-ITS: $2,750 me: ur right, i need a cheaper place."

"What do you call a bug that can't talk? A hoarse fly."

"What kind of bees produce milk? Boo-bees !"

"My hearing loss in both ears"

"I think this is the weekend to finally tell my parents I'm straight."

"Eight bytes walk into a bar The bartender asks, ""can I get you something?"" ""Yeah"", the bytes reply, ""make us a double"""