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Joke of the Day

"I really didn't want to go the dermatologist... ...but my dad told me to face my fears! *thought of this while washing my face*"

"TEACHER: That's the third time this week - please explain your tardiness ME: Well, it basically means that I've been late"

"How much cocaine can Charlie Sheen Do? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men."

"How do you get to the front page of Reddit? Take a racist joke and throw Donald Trumps name in the title."

"Son: Dad, is cousin Billy a mosquito? Me: In Alabama? S: Yeah. M: Of course not. Why do you ask? S: Mom said he was the product of insects."

"The animals that like to be pet are the ones that feel the best to touch how dope is that"

"Why is Dr. Frankenstein never lonely? He's good at making friends."

"Having friends is like... Having friends is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it but only you can feel it's warmth!"

"Why did the hipster burn his tongue on his cup of free-trade coffee? Because he started drinking it before it was cool."

"Instead of throwing the first pitch, it'd be fun if Presidents had to quarterback the first play of a football game."