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Joke of the Day

"Why does the Trump campaign hire people in groups of three? One who can read, one who can write, and one to keep an eye on the other two ""elitist intellectuals."""

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"Me: Have a taste of your own medicine *I force the pills the Dr. prescribed for me down his throat* Me: WHO HAS ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION NOW?!"
"What do a burnt pizza and a pregnant woman have in common? The guy didn't pull it out fast enough!"
"What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? can't jam peanut butter in your ass"
"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom? Because the P is silent"
"Why are artificial intelligences in movies always female? Because they're never wrong"
"What happens when Hillary throws relevant questions? Donald Ducks I'll show myself out"
"I have the body of an 20 year old... ...but it's starting to stink up my basement so I'm thinking I'm gonna burn it."
"[Job Interview] Boss: What is your best trait? Me: Procrastination. B: How is that a positive? M: I'll give you my reasons. Later."
"Sneaking up on me from behind while I'm doing dishes is a super fun way to get yourself stabbed with a steak knife"