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Joke of the Day

"Whats the difference between a brown noser and a shithead? Depth Perception"

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"What did the fish say when it ran into the wall? Dam"
"A Nobel prize winner posts to Reddit... (Fart sounds)"
"Yeah, I know what my neighbors wear to bed. Not because I look in their windows; I just see them during the day at Walmart."
"I know we just got divorced, but would you mind showing my girlfriend how to make an omelet the way I like them?"
"English is not my first language but I think my boss appreciates me He always says I am this functional!"
"Trump should have called his rally in Chicago a ""job fair"" non of the protesters would've been there"
"A gentleman is ... a man who gets out of the shower to take a pee"
"Two tectonic plates are having a heated argument... They seem to have diverging opinions."
"I woke up to find.. the train I was on had turned into a Pencil. I didn't try to use the toilet though because your not meant to go whilst the train's stationary."