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Joke of the Day

"If you can't handle me at my fattest, then you sure as hell don't deserve me if I ever lose weight. Which could happen, you don't know."

"How does a german get to the airport? He heils a taxi!"

"What makes for a good first date? NOT MOVIES"

"Leonardo Dicaprio has addressed the UN about climate change. Well if anyone should know about the dangers of melting icebergs, it's him!"

"NSFW Your dick's like Mt. Everest... It's hard to get up"

"what is kurt cobain's eye color Blue. One blue to left, one blue to the right."

"Me: Someone broke into the business next door last night. Coworker: Wasn't the building alarmed? Me: Buildings don't get scared. CW....."

"Authorities in Beijing have advised that the Earthquake felt by millions last night was nothing to worry about. It was just the start of China's two-child policy."

"My car is so shitty, one time I fixed it with a coat hanger. Goes to show that those things can BRING life too."

"What kind of bagel can fly? A plain bagel."