51996
Joke of the Day
"To me, drink responsibly means don't f?cking spill it"
Next Joke
"What do you call shy bladder incidents? Frozen pees"
"And then alcohol said ""Put that on facebook, it's hilarious."" But alcohol was wrong. So very wrong."
"What is the title of Martha Stewart's culinary anthology? ""Cooking: The Books"""
"The government has officially replaced all measurements of time with fruit. More news at banana."
"[gets found guilty of murder] [sentenced to 3 years of listening to Pitbull on repeat] [appeals] [gets sentence reduced to lethal injection]"
"Enjoyed 3 minutes and 42 seconds of extra sleep this morning by letting my kids stay up 5 hours past their bedtime"
"What's the difference between a lobster with boobs and a filthy bus stop? One's a busty crustacean while the other's a crusty bus station."
"My doctor told me I need to stop masturbating. I guess it was kinda getting in the way of the physical."
"Why didn't the Pharaoh believe he was drowning? Because he was in deNile"