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Joke of the Day

"What do Kim Kardashian and Hurricane Sandy have in common? They will both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV."

"If you're in a wheelchair and you say your date stood you up, it's unclear to me whether your night was lousy or remarkable."

"The scariest thing about the terrorists is how fast they can do the monkey bars in their training camp videos."

"I went to a seminar on drilling methods yesterday... Boring!"

"We all say tomato. There is no alternate pronunciation."

"VW just released a new diesel car... It's called the Cheetah. ... credits to a colleague at work"

"My friend is a med student, and decided to go into oncology Apparently it's a growth industry."

"Why don't you see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're so damn good at it"

"I hate when homeless people beg me for money. No, buddy, I'm not giving you money to buy drugs. I need that money to buy drugs."

"I've just turned a mortgage payment into wine. Your move, Jesus."