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Joke of the Day
"What did the Gregorian monk say when he was kicked out of the monastery? Give me one more chants!"
Next Joke
"I have 2 missed calls from my mother. I think it's safe to say that by now there's a rescue team out there looking for me."
"This 5p bag tax is great I can get a 10bag for 50p"
"[6:00pm] i will not snack tonight i will not snack tonight i will not snack tonight [11:00pm] yay i did it! [11:01pm] *preheats oven*"
"I'm going to be late I'm at the hospital getting my hymen restored, so I'm a bit de-laid."
"Woman's Rights"
"I'm under the weather today, also so is everyone else, that's how weather works."
"A book commits suicide every time you watch a reality show."
"God: So I was, all, what if there was a fish made of jelly? Like, jelly but alive and in the sea? LOL [angels look nervously at one another]"
"My paranoid boyfriend broke up with me. ""It's not you,"" he said, looking around. ""It's them."""