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Joke of the Day

"You think the dozen roses on my toilet tank are there to mask odor? Read the card: ""Dear toilet. I'm so sorry for all the shit I've done..."""

"What's the quickest way to get to the airport? Terminal Velocity. [:D](http://instantrimshot.com/index.php?sound=rimshot&play=true)"

"This chicken is so moist, what is your secret? I squeeze a little KY Jelly into its cavity before heating."

"If you are what you eat... I can see why some men are assholes and some women are dicks."

"What would Jesus actually do? Probably ban nail guns"

"A waiter took my plate before I was done and I watched him carry it away like it was my sibling who was just chosen for the hunger games"

"What is batman's favorite food? BANANANANANANANANANANA"

"Why did God create Adam before Eve? To give him a chance to say something."

"Wife ""WHY ARE THERE MUDDY FOOTPRINTS ALL OVER THE HALL?"" [Me while trying to push a zebra up into the attic] Must be that damn dog again..."

"Extremely controversial, but here goes... Why can't you try someone for grave digging? Because it was found on the ground."