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Joke of the Day

"What's better than winning Gold at the Paralympics? Having both your legs."

"I bet some of you would absolutely kill it in a race where you had to jump over obstacles while looking at your phone."

"6yo's can't go to jail so I have no idea why this one's refusing to drive me home from the pub."

"I think I'm a genius.... I just solved a rubiks cube so fast! It only took me 5 minutes and 25 seconds to peel off all the stickers."

"What does a hiker love to listen to? A trail mix!"

"Why don't hydrocarbons make good criminals? They're always getting com-busted."

"Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? A: 45 lbs. Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? A: 45 minutes."

"The captcha required for submitting isn't working. Since I post every few days, my human can do them for me. ERROR: CAPTCHA DETECTED."

"I'm just SOOO busy. I spend 70% of my day telling people how busy I am and the other 30% trying to make myself look REALLY REALLY busy."

"What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common? They both leave little boys rooms with empty sacks."