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Joke of the Day

"We decided to go out for bbq tonight. As it turns out, I'm too immature to discuss how to smoke your meat with strangers."

"I feel creepy every time I 'follow' someone. Where are they going to take me? I hope its somewhere good"

"At my funeral, feed me into a woodchipper and point it at the mourners"

"A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, ""And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"" Annie replied, ""Because people are sleeping"""

"This year I'll avoid all the trouble of taking down my Christmas lights... I'll just turn my house into an Italian restaurant."

"Teacher : Tommy put some more water in the fish tank ! Pupil : Why Miss I only put some in yesterday and he hasn't drunk that yet !"

"I was addicted to hokey pokey. But I turned myself around."

"Life is like a pipette filler It sucks."

"Are security guards at Samsung stores called Guardians of the Galaxy?"

"I wanna join a gang so I can get in a street fight with a rival gang and intimidatingly snap my fingers to a clever song about friendship."