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Joke of the Day

"Thank you to the Spanish public for. .. ...rallying round and providing new headlines."

"Psychic fair cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances."

"First date: [ok, don't let her know you're a t-rex] Her: I absolutely love it when guys open the car door for me Me: Shit."

"What did the FSB call the dissident who had been shot fifteen times in the head? The worst case of suicide they'd ever seen."

"OH MY GOD I FORGOT TO UNPLUG THE TOASTER [flash to dog in sunglasses waiting for his fifth batch of waffles to pop up]"

"Food is like dark humor. Not everybody gets it."

"Why did Microsoft name their new web browser ""Edge""? Because people familiar with the U2 guitarist of the same name are already used to long delays."

"How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it!"

"What's another term for anal bleaching? Changing your ring tone."

"How do you turn a duck into a chart topping soul singer? Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers"