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Joke of the Day

"Judge: Are you married? A. No I'm divorced. Judge. And what did your husband do before you divorced him? A. A lot of things I didn't know about."

"Knock Knock. Who's there? *long pause* ding-dong ditch."

"just told my kid ""you're not going to die if you try a piece of lamb"" and she said ""yeah, i'm going to die anyway"""

"Someone once told me ""If you love something, set it free"". I told them not to mind about those noises coming from the basement."

"How does the executioner like his coffee? Decap"

"Being on twitter has made my spelling, grammar and vocabulary so much gooder."

"Ladies, if you're over 50, you may wanna rethink the cowboy hat. It's terrifying."

"I don't always think I'm right....but whenever I think I'm wrong I tend to be mistaken."

"Gf: Remember that night we had unprotected sex Me: Yeah Gf: I'm having twins Me suspiciously: We only did it once why's there two babies"

"If a car is stuck in a tree with its headlights on, how many pancakes does it take to get to the moon? Zero! Snakes don't have armpits!"