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Joke of the Day

"Scared of eating genetically modified fruit? Grow a pear."

"WAITER: Room for dessert? [flashback to the room at home that hides all my desserts] ME: [nervous laugh] Haha I don't have one of those."

"The introduction of Yoga Pants have been found to be the cause of a 0.65 drop in the GPA of Males. I dont have significant data to back this up, But i have some notes from college that show causation."

"My sister teaches 1st grade. A boy in her class had a tantrum and screamed ""I hate you!"" and she gently replied ""I know. It doesn't matter."""

"When things are bad, remember: At least you're not as big an asshole as the guy who invented putting walnuts in chocolate chip cookies."

"Two deer were leaving a gay bar One said to the other, ""man, I can't believe a blew thirty bucks in their"""

"Donkey kong, king kong, and a smart blonde fight on top of the empire state building. Who wins? None of them, they don't exist!"

"Girl, you're like speeding in a construction zone... Double Fine"

"Why do tigers eat raw meat? Because they don't know how to cook!"

"I feed my cat lemons. He's a real sour puss."