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Joke of the Day

"""Where do escalators come from?"" ""Well, when an Escalade and an alligator love each other very much..."""

"Accidentally used AXE shampoo to wash my cat the other day and now he's boxing strays and impregnated 17 dogs"

"The amount of tinder matches I've gotten has skyrocketed since I changed my interests from ""Murdering"" to ""Not Murdering"""

"Why did the restaurant on the moon fail? They barely had any atmosphere."

"DM:You're so hot, wanna Skype? Me: it is quite hot, and a skype sounds delicious. Is that vodka? DM: ME:hello...you there"

"No Valentine On Valentines Day? Don't worry if you don't have a valentine on valentine's day.. Most people don't even have AIDS on World AIDS day.."

"How does a mathematician solve his constipation problem? He works it out with a pencil! = "

"My math teacher from highschool thought she was so smart and intelligent yet when I graduated, she was still in highschool."

"My real mom put me up for adoption because the cat was allergic to me :("

"What do you call a pig that does karate? *A pork chop.*"