50287

Joke of the Day

"Understand men, or die trying. Or try dying. Or quit trying. Or lie crying. Or cry tweeting. Or tweet trying, to understand men."

"Joke from my daughter. What is bruce banners favourite kind of potato? HULK'S MASH! no idea where she picked it up from, but it made me chuckle"

"What do you call a metrically inclined elderly assassin? A Killograndma."

"""BRING ME THE FOETUS' OF 3 CHICKENS"" *Maniacal stare* ""Listen dude, its called an omelette,a 3 egg omelette"" ""AND THE BLOOD OF 4 ORANGES"""

"Rick Astly will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection except for one... He's never gonna give you ""UP""."

"After two divorces, I think I've found the key to a successful marriage. Don't marry a c*nt."

"Witness protection, but for men who have accidentally told a woman she looks tired"

"I walked into my sister's room and tripped on a bra. It was a booby-trap."

"Did you hear about the woman who tried to join ISIS? I heard jihad a bad time time."

"A British soldier meets an Australian soldier on a warzone **British soldier**: Did you come here to die? **Australian soldier**: Nah mate, I came here yesterday!"