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Joke of the Day

"I can swallow two pieces of string and make them come out an hour later tied together I SHIT YOU KNOT"

"Punchline... Joke..."

"What's the best thing about getting Reddit at a young age? Getting tired of sandwich jokes before embarrassing oneself on one's first date."

"In Soviet Russia... TV watches you. With much apologies to Yakov Smirnoff (who rarely told them). Please to bring on Russian Reversal jokes in comments."

"How Do U Kill A Retard? Give him a knife and say ""who's special?"""

"Why are cats assholes? Because they are what they eat."

"I have a friend called Rick that was recently turned into cotton... we have to call him Threadrick now. I thought of this joke on the way to buy my lunch today, I hope it's not already been made."

"I lost multiple times in Bridge Tourney today I'm muslim and I kept playing NT"

"I used to date a girl with a lazy eye I broke up with her though, cos I'm pretty sure she was seeing someone on the side. Credit to /u/MoreMajorSins for this awesome dad joke!"

"A man walks up to three old ladies. He flashes them his penis. The first two ladies immediatly had a stroke. The third one didn't dare touch it."