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Joke of the Day

"Where do retired pigs go for warm weather? The tropigs!"

"""DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE? YOU'RE IN THE JUNGLE GYM, BABY! AGES THREE TO NIIIIINNNNE!"" - Axl Rose, playground monitor."

"What do you call a sad strawberry? A blueberry"

"Another Twilight movie?God I hope Abraham Lincoln shows up and slays every last one of them."

"Boss: we're going to our cabin on the lake this weekend Coworker: you guys have a cabin ON the lake? Boss: Ya? Coworker: must be wet hahaha"

"I've been putting vodka in my fruit smoothies. Also no fruit."

"Maglev train hits 310mph in Japan. Critics say it has barely left the ground."

"What was Marie Curie's fitness program on the airwaves called? Radio-Activity"

"All women want to be swept off their feet, until you push them into the sea. Dating is hard!"

"Gym memberships are expensive, just tattoo biceps all over your body and eat all the cake you can find."