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Joke of the Day

"The boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money.... He serves up a great burger and fries."

"REPORTER: you say you spotted the missing hikers somewhere in these woods CLEARLY A BEAR IN A FLANNEL & AVIATORS: [right on mic] briefly yes"

"What noise does Doppler's cat make? Meeeeeaaaaaaoooooo^oooowwww^wwww^www"

"It costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today... And that's just for the alcohol."

"Why did the gay man sue the mental hospital? They held him in a straightjacket."

"Where do poor Italians live? In the spaghetto..."

"I like my women like I like my radioactive isotopes... Really hot and completely unstable."

"I'm on a whiskey diet... I've lost three days already."

"I've always been a dog person, but I have never had a close friend that was a cat person. I just find that cats taste too gamy."

"Teacher and student Chemistry teacher: Did you know protons have mass? Student: I didn't even know they were catholics."