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Joke of the Day

"I want a girlfriend with OCD, that way whenever I want to go home I can just say ""Are you sure you checked the stove before we left?"""

"I'm working on a Star Wars Kama Sutra book. I don't have all the positions down quite yet, but I have mastered the Hand Solo."

"What does a former CIA agent who leaked classified information and the city of Boston have in common? They're both snowed in."

"What did the Elephant say to the naked man? That's cute but can you breath through it?"

"I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was, like, 0mg!"

"Teens: I was an idiot when I was a kid 20s: I was an idiot when I was a teen 30s: I was an idiot in my 20s 33: if only there was a pattern"

"What do you call a stick with autism? Autistic"

"The scene from The Exorcist where she's tied to the bed cursing like a sailor, but it's me when getting a Brazilian."

"ME: The plane has wifi? Sweet, I'm going to Skype call that radio psychic. RADIO PSYCHIC: Go ahead caller, you're on the air ME: HOLY SHIT"

"What do you call a fish with no eyes? a fisheyes"